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It can't be real
May. 12th, 2025 09:20 pm I have 80 days left to convince___ to not do it. I was doing so well and now it feels like I'm back on square one. Their parents relapsed and obviously that's got to be really hard. I'm just not sure how to comfort someone in this situation. The steaks are too high to really do anything.
Even if they don't kill themselves on July 31st, that doesn't mean they can't any day after that. It's all so hard to think about. If they do it, I have to kill myself August 1st.
I try to hard to not think about it too deep, but lately I've been thinking about how it's reality. It won't go away in a year. I'm not watching a tv show this is real life and I will have these memories until I die. They will, too.
Everytime I see something that just slightly resembles or represents them, I freak out and get all dizzy. This one guy passed me in the school hallways today and he looked just like ___. Similar hair, glasses, and even the exact same converse. I was shaking today because everything I looked at was just... Them.
When I made this blog in January, it wasn't supposed to be only about them, but it kinda is now. I feel like dark Vanessa. Jesus, if they found this.... It would be over for the both of us.
"To be great you must be obsessed." Am I not obsessed enough to be great at this? To be the best at helping them like I used to be. What changed. It won't ever be the same. It's so selfish and I hate myself for this. I just don't want my outlook on life to change forever. It's hard trying to get it to stop changing at all.
Even if they don't kill themselves on July 31st, that doesn't mean they can't any day after that. It's all so hard to think about. If they do it, I have to kill myself August 1st.
I try to hard to not think about it too deep, but lately I've been thinking about how it's reality. It won't go away in a year. I'm not watching a tv show this is real life and I will have these memories until I die. They will, too.
Everytime I see something that just slightly resembles or represents them, I freak out and get all dizzy. This one guy passed me in the school hallways today and he looked just like ___. Similar hair, glasses, and even the exact same converse. I was shaking today because everything I looked at was just... Them.
When I made this blog in January, it wasn't supposed to be only about them, but it kinda is now. I feel like dark Vanessa. Jesus, if they found this.... It would be over for the both of us.
"To be great you must be obsessed." Am I not obsessed enough to be great at this? To be the best at helping them like I used to be. What changed. It won't ever be the same. It's so selfish and I hate myself for this. I just don't want my outlook on life to change forever. It's hard trying to get it to stop changing at all.
